Admitting I Am Powerless

Re:Gen, Re:Generation, Step One, Admit, Alynda Long, alyndalong.com, Watermark

Re:Gen, Re:Generation, Step One, Admit, Alynda Long, alyndalong.com, Watermark

Step 1, ADMIT: 

We admit we are powerless over our addictions, brokenness and sinful patterns—that in our own power our lives are unmanageable.[1]

Foundation Verse: “For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out.” (Romans 7:18)

Key Theme: Realize your need for help.

 

            Admitting my powerless over my brokenness and sinful patterns isn’t particularly difficult for me. Raised with the belief I was broken and bad, I almost always assumed most problems were my fault.

I was broken. I had more sinful patterns than I could count (until I received the handout on sinful patterns then COUNTED them…)

The challenge for me with this step when I did it the first time was the “addictions” portion. I wasn’t ready to see that in my life. As a daughter of people who struggled with addictions, I prided myself on NOT being an addict. I was an addict, a serious addict with a secret struggle with prescription pain medications.

I find it interesting I still struggle NOT to say something like, “But I never took more than the doctor prescribed. It wasn’t my fault. The doctors did it.”

Yet, that is an untruth. And an untruth is just a fancy and kinder word for LIE. I had the ability not to take the drugs they gave me, but I took them. Deep within me, there were hurts I wanted to cover and numb. Those drugs helped with that process… at least for a while.

I’ve been “clean” since February 2016 from prescription pain medication. Thank you, Lord, for my freedom!

Yet, as I sit here in Step One, Week One again, I can’t say addictions are completely a thing of the past.

Do I still secretly take drugs? No.

My addictions have shifted to ones the world tells us are acceptable.

My addictions have shifted to ones the world tells us are acceptable. Click To Tweet
  • Binge watching Netflix.
  • Overeating candy, cookies, and whatever I can get my hands on.
  • Laziness.
  • An online card game I play when I want to “not think”.
  • Reaching for people versus Christ.

These are all addictions, my friends, and I am praying the Lord releases me from them so I can more clearly focus on Him.

What I’ve learned this week:

  • When emotionally vulnerable, I can fall into the mindset that others do not want good for me. I can get defensive and distrustful.
  • Christ aches at the pain of my past. He wants to repay it in my future and the future of others through me.
  • I still struggle with fear of rejection. When I realize this, I need to stop and realign my belief to the reality that my identity lies in CHRIST JESUS and none else. People will hurt us. Not always because they intend to do so, but we are fallen beings, and we hurt one another daily. If I place my worth or identity in them, then I will get hurt.
  • I struggle to confess sins because I somehow believe keeping it “secret” minimizes it then I may go back to that well of dirty water repeatedly.
  • One reason I came back to Re:Gen as a leader was because I slowly fell back into some old patterns and I didn’t want to lose the ground the Lord has made in my life.
  • Every time I try to manage the chaos in my life (without the Lord), it resembles a snake trying to eat its own tail. A never-ending cycle drawing me further and further away from the Lord.
  • I must pray to the Lord and fight against isolation in my life. That’s an area where the enemy can quickly take ground if I am not diligent. Nothing good ever comes from my isolation.
Every time I try to manage the chaos in my life (without the Lord), it resembles a snake trying to eat its own tail. A never-ending cycle drawing me further and further away from the Lord. Click To Tweet

Lord,

Thank you for the lessons and reminders you’ve given me this week through the first week of step one. Please give me a willing heart and the diligence to stay the course through the next ten months and beyond.

Your loving daughter,

 Alynda Long, alyndalong.com, blogger, writer, Christian writer, faithbeyondfear.com

Please share your questions or comments about my journey, YOUR journey, or the process of recovery in the box at the bottom of the page. I would count it an honor if you allowed me to pray for you too!

 

[1] From Watermark’s Re:Generation book, Realize Your Need for God’s Grace

 

Read the Beginning of my Step Journey here:

Stepping Through the Steps: My Journey through Re:Generation

Uncovering Lies the Enemy Tells Series

Lies the Enemy Tells Series: Who exactly IS the enemy?

Lies of the enemy: How he deceives

Lies of the Enemy: How he twists our view of self

Lies of the Enemy: What does God say about me?

5 Articles We Should Read on the Lies of the Enemy

Photo by Gaelle Marcel on Unsplash

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